


Sinful we live, Sinful we die.

by Faolan_Orion



Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter is Angsty, Sad, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, simon is Judas' friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-10-28 17:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20782271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faolan_Orion/pseuds/Faolan_Orion
Summary: In a Alternate Universe were Judas' attempt at suicide fails and instead of mourning what could have been, gets up and actually does something that would change the world forever.Judas saves Jesus.This takes places right after the 40 lashes and during Judas' death scene.*Please note that I'm going off of the musical, Jesus Christ Superstar and  don't know every single little detail from it's original print. If I get something wrong I apologize in advance.





	1. Divergence

Judas held the rope in his shaking hands.

“Forgive me.” He looked to the heavens with bloodshot eyes, tears streaking his cheeks. He laced the rope around his neck with quivering fingers. His heart thumping hard in his chest as his foot hovered off the edge of the small wooden stool. He screamed a bloodcurdling scream as he kicked the stool from underneath him, the branch snapping, sending him tumbling to the mound of jagged rocks below him.

He sobbed as he dug his nails into the earth.

“Have I not fulfilled your will? Have you not scorned me enough! How can I live with such a vile crime I’ve committed? Your crime!” Judas ripped the rope from his neck, struggling to breath as a river of tears cascaded to the dry earth beneath him, staining it into a collage of dark rich colors. Even the earth seemed mock with how it was using him, he clawed at the soil. 

His blood felt like venom burning through his veins, His heart heavy in his chest, his lungs compressed, and his body numb. His knees buckled as he let himself fall to the ground. His vision dimmed, his breathing turned ragged. His vision slowly faded as a raven landed on the hanging tree.

He woke dazed and thirsty, his tongue feeling thick and heavy in his mouth. 

“He has awoken.” Judas shifted his gaze towards the feminine voice. A small plate of water being placed to his lips which he took gracious glups from. 

“Where am I?” He said in a gravelly voice, regretting it instantly with the sharp pain that shot from his throat to his head.

“I and my sisters found you below the tree near the city.” The group of women revealed themselves from the shadows, he was in a brothel. 

“Perhaps you could use something to relax yourself.” One of the girls began massaging his shoulders, Judas flinching at the contact.

“At ease sisters, he has no coin to give.” Judas’ brows knitted together.

“You checked my pockets?” The main women in pink smirked.

“Why of course, though you had nothing but an empty coin pouch.” She flung the empty coin bag back at Judas who threw it to the ground as if burned by its touch. The girls looked at him with confused yet curious eyes. 

He didn’t even bother to look up at them, his unruly hair covering his eyes. The sister in pink, taking a seat across from him.

“What is your story lone traveler?” She reached to the fruit basket beside her, handing Judas an apple. Judas brushed his finger across the waxy surface of the fruit, grimacing and his own reflection. 

“I-I’ve done something awful.” His nails dug into the fruit, the sweet juice dribbling down his fingers. The Sister in pink giving him a sympathetic look. Another sister in green suddenly gasping.

“Wait, I recognize you! You are that man, the one that persecuted the false king of nazareth.” The apple Judas held fell to the floor, his face contorted and his frame tensed.

“Yes, I remember now-” Another sister began “I heard it from the market place. The man was given severe lashes, the poor soul, he was no criminal, only a confused man who needed help.” Judas felt like ice had begun running through his veins, his stomach churning, bile making its way up his sore throat at the thought of the wounds that bruised the man he once called his friend, his brother. 

“I did not mean for these things to happen!” Judas finally screamed, his lungs tight. “I fulfilled my purpose of bringing the guards to arrest Jesus, but it was just that! An arrest. They would have held him for a few days and released him! It was never my intention to send him to his death.” Judas clenched at his head that was now throbbing. The sisters all glanced at one another and finally the one in pink spoke. 

“If you wish to see your friend again, there may still be hope.” Judas looked up at her confused. “My dear Sister, has good friends inside the Pilate’s domain, a servant girl, but nonetheless an incredible navigator. If you wish she could introduce you and perhaps save your friend from a grisly fate.” Judas felt uncertain, hopeful, and fear all at once. Would he want to be saved? After all, it was him that spoke of this being his destiny, his legacy. Then Judas thought of Jesus’ face: His sunken in eyes looking shadowed with betrayal, his cracked lips jagged in a scowl, and the many gashes that littered his body from the amount of abuse the man had received. To hell with the prophecy! He thought, turning towards the sister in pink.

“When can I meet her?”


	2. The rescue

Judas navigated through rocky terrain of Jerusalem making sure to stick close to the pink sister, Nadia, who was carrying a torch to light the way through the night towards Pilate’s Palace. 

“Through here.” She whispered, turning the corner to avoid the guards at the entrance. Nadia stopped suddenly in front of a large wooden door that looked like it hadn’t been used in years. She knocked three times sharply and waited. A beautiful woman covered in indigo silks opened the door slowly, whispering a few things in Nadia’s ear before turning towards Judas.  
“Come in, Hurry.” She hustled Judas inside and tipped a thank you towards Nadia before closing the door.

“We must be quick and silent, I shall take you as far as the guards barracks, but from there you must find the holding cells on your own. I would have waited till morning when we feed and water the prisoners but it seems that your friend may not have that long.” Judas nodded and followed her lead. Along the way the indigo sister offered him a piece of white cloth to wrap around his head to hide his identity, the last thing he needed was to be recognized. 

Once in front of the guard barracks the indigo sister said her goodbyes and left Judas to his thoughts. 

“Hey you!” Judas felt his heart stop as he slowly turned towards the two guardsmen. “Fetch us some water servant boy!” Judas felt his shoulders relax.

“Right away.” Judas turned back around, breathing a sigh of relief, glad that his disguise was working.

He walked towards the barrel of water. Only once he was out of sight of the guards did he make a detour towards the holding cells. He arrived shortly to a large metal door with a distinct key hole. He would have to find the key to get in. His eyes scanned the layout of the barracks, Where would someone hold a key?... Aha! His eyes landed on the guard captain’s quarters. 

He crept through the shadows towards the captain’s room. The key hung just to the left of the bed, too easy. Judas took careful steps towards the bed of the captain, checking each floor board before taking a full step. Judas reached for the key just as the captain shifted in his position. Judas quickly tiptoed back to the door closing it behind him carefully. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and made his way to the holding cells.

Now standing in front of the metal door, key in hand, did he feel the reality of the situation finally sink in. His heart was hammering, the adrenaline that had once been coursing through him had more than dissipated now. He exhaled a sharply, throwing the door open.

Judas almost broke into tears when he saw Jesus’ motionless form on the floor of the cell. His right eye was swollen shut, his back was a horrific graphic scene with his ribs visible between each gash, his head was decorated in a crown of thorns.

“Oh my dear friend, forgive me.” Judas sobbed as he opened the door to the cell and cradled Jesus’ body close to his chest. He ran his fingers through Jesus’ blood matted hair just to discover more cuts decorating his face. Judas ran the pad of his thumb across a particularly bad cut, placing his forehead against Jesus’ own. 

He picked Jesus up and walked out the door of the prison. Making sure to check for guards, he crept across the corridor making his way to were Nadia told him another servant would meet him to help him escape. 

“Judas…” Jesus mumbled in Judas’ grasp nuzzling closer into his chest. Judas felt his heart ache as he followed the servant boy to another secret door, Nadia was waiting now with a mule at her side. Nadia smiled at the way the man in Judas’ arms nuzzled against him. 

“I can’t thank you enough.” Judas praised Nadia as he hoisted Jesus onto the mule.

“I’m only glad to see an innocent man live. Judas, you must know I can’t bring you back to the brothel and put my sisters in danger. Do you have somewhere you can stay?”

“Yes.” Judas nodded, Nadia smiling.

“Travel safe my friend.” Judas nodded again, leading the mule to the one place he dreaded to return to the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, More chapters soon!


	3. The arrival

Mary looked down at the ground looking like she wanted to sink into it. Simon gave her a sympathetic look, bringing her a loaf of bread enveloped in a piece of tattered cloth.

“Eat. It’s been 2 days already.” He handed her the loaf. She held it tightly to her chest weeping softly. Peter later joining them with a jug of water and three ceramic cups. 

“We should have done something, Anything!” She croaked. 

“It was his will.” Peter responded “He didn’t want us to fight.” Simon put a reassuring hand Mary’s shoulder.

“Judas!” Mary shouted.

“Yes, If it wasn’t for Judas he would still be with us.” Peter scowled.

“No, I mean Judas!” She pointed to the horizon where Judas was walking with the mule at his side.

“You have a lot of nerve returning back here Judas!” Peter shouted across the clearing.

“I didn’t return alone.” Judas shifted the position of the mule so that Jesus’ unconscious body was visible. Mary instantly burst into tears at the sight of him, running across the clearing to Jesus’ side.  


“What have they done to you.” She cradled his head in her arms.

“We have to dress his wounds quickly, we can’t risk his wounds getting infected.” Judas told Simon who nodded and went to get water, cloth, and any oils that may soothe the pain.

It took till dusk for them to dress and disinfect all his wounds. In the end, Jesus was completely wrapped in bandages and rested on Simon’s bed. They closed the door behind them letting their friend rest. Mary finally turned to Judas who was sulking in the corner. 

“What made you change your mind Judas?” Judas didn’t look up at her, his eyes seemed to focus on anything but her gaze. She bit her lip and gave him some space.

Judas stayed outside of Jesus’ room throughout the rest of the night. Simon coming around sometime during the night and wrapped a blanket around Judas’ shoulders when he finally fell asleep against the door. 

The sun shone brightly through the cloth shade of the window jolting Judas awake. The chirping of the Songbirds soothing him only slightly from the cold sweat that covered his body. “That Raven, the one that landed upon the hanging tree, It’s all I can see when I close my eyes.” He ran a quivering hand through his sweat matted hair. 

He shook himself of his wayward thoughts and got up. Folding the blanket that had kept him warm throughout the night and walked into the room. Jesus was still sleeping when he walked in, while he didn’t want to wake him, he needed to change his bandages.

Judas grabbed a bowl of water and a clean piece of cloth. 

“Jesus.” He tapped the man’s shoulder gently.

He stirred slowly, his movements fidgety and clumsy. Judas held a small cup of water to his cracked lips smiling as Jesus accepted his offering, taking large swigs. He smacked his lips in an effort to speak but no words escaped his mouth. Judas placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder knowing that recovery would be a long painful process and he shouldn’t try to rush it. Jesus seemed to relax at his touch giving Judas the motivation to start unwrapping the bloody bandages that covered his arms.

“Judas..” Jesus managed to croak out in a gravelly pained voice. Judas smiled softly and took the small piece of cloth and began dabbing ointment on the jagged cuts on the man’s wrist. The rest of the bandages were tedious to remove as the cuts had begun to scab and stick to them. With a bit of effort from both sides they removed, cleaned, and replaced each bandage; Jesus never taking his eyes away from Judas.

“I know you have questions.” Judas sat down next to the bed “Most of them I don’t even know if I can answer.” He began nervously massaging his palm. “But please don’t be upset, I don’t expect you to forgive me but I just hope that…” Judas looked up with glossy eyes “That you know I didn’t mean for things to go the way they did.” He let his head fall, a tear falling from his cheek.

Judas felt a warm hand atop his head making him look up to the tearful smile Jesus had. His hand lowered to caress his cheek before lowering further to hover just over his own hands that seemed to shake with anticipation. Jesus’ hand faltered only for a moment before grasping at Judas’ palm, letting his thumb soothe the man’s anxiety. Their fingers intertwined and Judas was filled with love, fear, and uncertainty. He felt the need to fall to the ground and cry till he could no longer, to suffer a hundred deaths for he did not deserve this moment of utter bliss. Suddenly the door opened to Simon holding a bowl of eggs and a small loaf of bread, Judas instantly retracted from the other man’s touch as if burned by it and greeted Simon as if nothing happened.

“You’re up early.” Simon raised a brow.

“Yes, I’ve only just finished Changing Jesus’ bandages he should be fine now... I’m gonna go.” Judas rather awkwardly shuffled out of the room. Simon just tilted his head in confusion before shrugging it off.

“My messiah.” Simon greeted with a nod, offering him the bowl.

“Simon.” Jesus smiled.

“Everyone is rejoiced to have you back home.” Jesus accepted the bowl, placing it on the small table at his side. His expression had become sour as he gazed out the small window.

“As am I, though you know as well as I do that I should not be here.” Simon averted his gaze.

“I know.” Jesus’ features soften, outstretching a hand out to Simon.

“Come, sit.” Simon, slightly reluctant, walked over to the small stool near the bed and sat down. “My connection to my Father has been severed.” Jesus ran a hand through his sweat matted hair “I will admit there was never much conversation in our connection but for once I feel completely empty yet liberated.” A tear slid down his cheek “For once I feel free and I hate myself because of it.” Jesus let his head fall to face Simon “This was not part of the plan, that day I should have perished and fulfilled my Father’s will, but now, I’m just a man and humanity continues to be damned.” Simon put a hand on the man’s shoulder as he silently wept. 

He slowly regained his composer and decided to change the subject seeing Simon’s growing distress. “How have you been Simon.” Simon was slightly taken aback by the sudden change in conversation but decided to play along, seeing the desperation in the other man’s eyes to keep his mind busy with anything that would keep his guilt at bay.

“I’m doing well, though, I have shaved a couple pounds since you last saw me; turns out having Judas in charge of the money was a good thing, we’ve been stuck eating nothing but eggs and bread since his departure. Mary is conflicted in her emotions on the situation. Peter has venom running through his veins, he’s angry and unsettled. As for everyone else they all left as everything unfolded. A lot has happened since your withdraw.” Simon was staring daggers at the ground “I tried keeping our family together.” his knuckles went white as he clenched his fists “I failed.”

“Simon.” Simon felt a hand on his head as he turned his gaze up towards Jesus. “We will get them back, I appreciate everything you’ve done but please remember you are not alone.” Simon smiled softly. 

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading more chapters coming soon~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, More chapters soon!


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